So, we went to the doctor today to discuss pathology on the baby hoping for answers because we have experienced this now for the 4th time. Sadly, insurance doesn't cover any type pathology or genetic testing in these cases unless there have been more than 3 consecutive miscarriages...amazing how much we pay for insurance, but we have been paying for everything out of pocket for all of this stuff!
Anyway, we sat down with Dr. Craig and once again went over all the options. First, pathology...I am frustrated and relieved at the same time. There was nothing abnormal with the fetus, this is great news because it means there was nothing chromosomally wrong, which is what they originally told us. This news was a huge relief, but in the same moment it is incredibly frustrating. When we had our first miscarriage, it was early and the doctor told us these things happen. When I had the ruptured ectopic, they couldn't find a reason why, no scar tissue or anything wrong with the fetus, just "bad luck". When I lost twins last summer, they again said everything appeared normal, just "bad luck"...I really began to hate those words, "bad luck". This time was supposed to be it, it was supposed to work, we heard the heartbeat, we saw the ultrasound...then it didn't. And once again we are being told everything was normal with the baby, so why? We continued to discuss results with the doctor. Originally we had planned to do genetic testing on Tony and I to make sure things were connecting, but he no longer thought that was necessary since there weren't any chromosomal issues. Everything on Tony's front looks great and is working just fine...with that being said it looks like (you guessed it...) I'm the issue! Once again the feelings of frustration set in, after everything I have been through physically and emotionally, to find out my body is the problem is frustrating. Of course, the relief (according to the doctor, which I have to trust because he's the doctor:)) is that any issues he now finds with me can be treated with medicine. We did a series of blood tests on me today which will hopefully provide some of the answers he is looking for, the main being that my immune system may be attacking the placenta. I will also be going in on Monday for a endometrial biopsy, sounds like a blast!! Along with that, I started a new medication today which helps with miscarriage, but the side effects can be rough so I wanted to start it while on summer vacation. Along with our doctor, we are confident in the new course of treatment we have planned...When I return at the end of July, we will begin a new plan for our second IUI with more extensive treatment. The extensive treatments will be more shots than we did last time, followed with daily progesterone, prednisone (an immuno-suppressant), thyroid medication, along with a few other meds. It all seems a little overwhelming and I'm not 100% confident, but I told Tony that we have to come at this 100% or I'm out because we are reaching the end of the tunnel and I'm not sure the light we want will be on the other side, but I have to know we tried everything we could!
The biggest reason for my frustration is having it the problem be "me" but having no real answers...I want firmly to believe in a bigger plan, but it's beyond frustrating to know that my body can't or isn't doing what it should be doing! The relief is knowing there was nothing wrong with the baby (also a frustration) or genetically wrong with Tony and I...the hope is still there for us to have another healthy baby, it's just going to take more work!
When we started this process, the money was one of the biggest factors in the whole fertility process. It is beyond amazing how much everything costs and it's hard to not think about, but then Blaine's wonderful babysitter, Margie spoke words that have not left my heart or mind, "You cannot think about the cost because it's not about the money. It's not something you can put a price on, so doing it or not cannot be about money". I could never put a price on Blaine or the happiness he has brought our lives! I started looking at the whole process differently once we had that discussion. We want Blaine to have a sibling, we want more children and our family doesn't feel complete yet, so we will continue with this process until our hearts feel complete and hopefully with another adorable baby in our house!
So...with all that being said (and it's a lot) our story will be "on hold" until Blaine and I return from Michigan. I am ready for the break and excited to see family and friends, along with spending time outside and not melting from the Arizona heat!!
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