Everything Makes Us Stronger

I haven't written a blog for our family in over a year.  At first it seemed like such a great idea, then life took over and it was something that I just had to let go...Our family has faced some new challenges recently and for me I guess the best way to handle them is to write about it and try to move on.
Tony and I had no problems conceiving Blaine, first time and we were pregnant.  Now, that's not to say we didn't endure our struggles throughout the pregnancy with health scares and visits to specialists.  But, in the end we delivered a healthy, beautiful baby boy!  Blaine is the cutest, most curious little guy and I couldn't be happier!  We always knew we wanted at least 2 children and that we didn't want them too far apart.  In October of last year, we decided it was time to start trying again.  Never did it cross our minds that we'd have any trouble.  In December we found out we were pregnant, only to find out days later that we had miscarried.  It was hard to understand why, but we realized it just wasn't the right time.  The doctor said since it was early we could start trying again right away.  Then came the what seems like endless months of trying, only to be disappointed every month.  All the while, the comments from people about how it's about time for another, when are you having another and Blaine needs a sibling.  Now, because we aren't the most public people about it, people didn't know that secretly every time they made those comments it was like a knife in my stomach.  Of course, I would laugh it off like it wasn't important or pretend like we weren't ready, but inside it was killing me...
At my yearly appointment in June, I made sure to ask the doctor if we should be concerned or should think about other options.  The biggest statement and image in everyone's mind is no, don't be worried you already had a successful pregnancy.  The doctor confirmed that image by saying we aren't candidates to discuss infertility for at least 18 months of trying.  It was at that appointment that I decided getting pregnant could no longer be our priority.  We are the parents to a beautiful, healthy, happy little guy that makes me smile SO much every day and I'm not going to miss these days because my focus is somewhere else!  So, we decided to let the cards fall as they may...
Toward the end of July I went to see my regular doctor for a checkup and wanted to talk with her about some fatigue I had been experiencing.  I chalked it up to going back to work and being back on a real schedule.  She told be to take some B-12 and let her know, so I started taking it and nothing really changed.  We started school and life went on...
Things changed drastically for us last Wednesday.  I woke up and started getting things ready when I had horrible pains in my stomach.  Thinking it would pass I laid down in bed, when it didn't I called a sub and Tony decided to stay home for a bit to help.  As the day progressed, I was in and out of sleep, the pain started getting worse and I couldn't even sit up without feeling like passing out.  At one point I tried to go to the bathroom and couldn't make it, so I ended up laying on the floor and staying there.  Tony kept asking about the hospital and I kept telling him no.  Blaine was great, he kept bringing me toys and books and would lay with me on the floor.  By 4 o'clock I knew we had to go to the hospital.  My friend Trish came to get Blaine and help Tony get me to the car.  I couldn't make it 2 steps and they had to wheel me to the car in Blaine's stroller.
At the hospital, the nurse did an ekg, my blood pressure was extremely low and I couldn't have been anymore pale.  They drew blood and scheduled a catscan.  This whole time I am in more pain than I have ever been in my entire life and we have no idea why.  While waiting for the catscan, the e.r. doctor came out and told us it was cancelled because my bloodwork came back and I was pregnant.  Both Tony and I told him we were not sure how that was possible.  I had just finished my period and had one in July, didn't miss one!  They sent us straight back to ultrasound, Tony was excited, but I knew not to be...something was wrong.  Of course in the e.r. they don't let you see or hear the ultrasound, Tony couldn't come with me.  It didn't take long for the doctor to come in and tell us they saw nothing on the ultrasound, but that they did see a large amount of blood in my abdomen which indicates an ectopic pregnancy.  They needed to emergency surgery.
So, here we are within 1 hour, we've been told we're pregnant (a dream come true!!), told the pregnancy is enviable and that I need emergency surgery to save my life???  I was in too much pain to process anything going on, my only thoughts were on Blaine and how I'd never even stayed the night away from him and here I was laying in the hospital.  We had enough time to make a few quick calls and before I knew it, I was in surgery.
Everything was okay in the end...they removed a liter of blood from my abdomen and my left fallopian tube because we were at least 8 weeks into a tubal pregnancy.  After some time in the hospital we came home.  I left the hospital with scars and hormones consistent with giving birth, but nothing to show for it.  The last few days have been a whirlwind and we will get more answers at the doctors office on Wednesday, but I needed a way to get it all out, so I thought I'd write about it.
I'm guilty of it too, but I will definitely think twice before I make a comment to someone about having another child, because maybe they've been through things I don't know and it's just not the right time...For now, I look forward to the time in the near future when I can pick up my little guy and give him the biggest hug because he is here and I'm going to enjoy every minute of him that I can!